My New Grassroots Campaign

I have decided that I can no longer stay silent, whining to myself about a problem that is plaguing the American Consumer.

It is a new year.  A fresh start.  It is time for change.  I will prevail.

I hope you will join me in my cause as I start my new organization:

Citizens for Uniformity When Paying For Stuff:  CUWPFS  (pronounced Coo-Puffs)

Back in the olden days....there was uniformity.  Things were consistent.  People knew instinctively how to pay for stuff.

If you paid by cash...you handed the cashier cash.
If you paid by check...you handed the cashier your driver's license.
If you paid by credit card...you handed the cashier your credit card and he/she compared the signature on the receipt to the back of your credit card...which of course you had signed.

It was the same anywhere and everywhere.
You knew how to pay.

These days, paying for stuff is much different.

If you pay by cash...you hand them cash.  (OK...that's not really different)

If you pay by check...IF the cashier even recognizes what a check is...you may or may not have to present your driver's license.  This varies based on the amount of the check (which varies by store), the mood of the computer that reads your check (which varies by both the check out lane AND the store), or how many children you have begging you for a candy bar.  So often now, stores don't necessarily request an ID.  Except when it's 6:30 in the morning and you want to buy  2 gallons of milk and a bag of Donettes and you run into CVS with a checkbook and your CVS store loyalty card.  At those times, the cashier will ask for your driver's license which of course you don't have.  It doesn't seem to matter that CVS already knows everything about you, because of the store loyalty card...which automatically gives you coupons for diaper cream because you buy pull ups.  They also know your complete medical history because you had to give them your life's story along with your insurance card to get a prescription for happy pills.  In those moments you end up yelling at the poor guy who has been working all night (24 hour CVS) because he won't make an exception and take your check for $7.52..."because of the cameras,"  and you go home and make your kids toast for breakfast because there is no milk.  Not that that has happened to me or anything...it's just a hypothetical situation.

Moving on.

For credit cards...we may need a flow chart.

Sometimes you hand it to the cashier, sometimes you swipe it yourself.
Sometimes you have to sign the receipt, sometimes you have to sign the little screen thing (which usually takes several attempts, and only AFTER you untangle the plastic pen)
Sometimes...and usually only AFTER you have put the card back in your wallet, and your wallet back in your pocket/purse...the cashier wants to see the back of the card to compare the signatures.  This also will vary by store, mood of the cashier and phases of the moon.

For debit cards, you have all the stress and anxiety of using a credit card, but now you also have to figure out which buttons to push on the touch screen (or keypad).  The PIN number is pretty straight forward...IF you can remember your PIN.  If you can't, you just look for the CANCEL button which may or may not be red.    Then your card will be run like a credit card, and you will have to take your chances on the whole sign or not to sign protocol.  If you DO remember your pin AND enter it successfully, then you have to press a series of buttons on the little touch screen, or sometimes they are actual buttons on the side of the screen.


The buttons on the touch screens are NEVER in the same place. Sometimes they are on the right.  Sometimes on the top.  Sometimes in Spanish.  And in that 1.2 second moment where you are trying to figure out how this particular touch screen is laid out, the cashier may or may not roll his/her eyes, look annoyed and in as CONDESCENDING a tone as possible instruct you how to work the machine.  Because it is OBVIOUS that you, the paying customer, are a complete moron.  And not, in fact, that when you paid for something 15 minutes earlier at different store, that the ACCEPT button was in a different place.

If you want cash back...you have to get the eye roll twice.

Is the extra cash worth it?
Should paying for stuff really be so stressful?

CUWPFS hopes to create uniformity in the paying for stuff process.  In this instance, conformity is to be applauded.  Everyone will know when to bring their license, when and if they will need to sign receipts, and most importantly, where the *$&&^ accept button is.

And there shall be rejoicing and less eyeball rolling in all the land!